its time to let my emo self go away...
many things have happened, more than i can imagine in such a short period of time. and i think i've been through many ups and downs within this short period of time. haha and i've learnt quite alot of stuff, try to see things from different perspectives. i finally understand i hate to be lied to... i think this is part of growing up, going through many different events, and at the same time learn through these events.

we lost to mj, 3 to 2. haizz. the higher my hopes, the harder i fall. i really thought that we could get into top 6. anyway its not about losing. i know i didnt perform up to standard, but at least i know i tried. same goes for all my teammates. its really really ok that we didnt manage to get into 2nd round, i think im really happy cux i think its more of the process, the time we shared tgt, crapping during our short break, laughing together etc... im not very good with words, but this extract from shuli really depicts how i feel...

"It was a battle half won, with mixed feelings. It was to be a legacy, yet slipped from the fingers. It could have been tears and screams of joy, but now its just praying for the best. Our team has came a long way, from training since last year, all in line for this one competition. But we have done well, each playing with out utmost might and agility."

i really feel that way. my feelings are mixed now. i cant helped but feel that sometimes all i ever done as a captain of the girls team is to send smses to remind ppl about trainings and stuff like that. maybe i haven been a great leader. i have done nothing more than the others. but im really glad that the team's super disciplined and supportive (: i feel happy yet sad. happy cux i think we have fought hard. esp when we didnt give up our match against hc. although we knew chances of winning were tiny. i like the way we cheered, the way we screamed, the way we motivate each other. its sth i've been wanting all the while. its the spirit i've been searching for. :D i love nj table tennis girls! :D

anyway sorry to ppl whose mood i've affected on wed. i couldnt control myself and i think i really broke down on wed. i tried to fight back. but then the thought of this coming to an end saddened me. i couldnt control my feelings, couldnt control my tears. im sorry for feeling so sian diao! and very very thankful to everyone who have been so understanding... esp to ppl who have tried to make me feel better in one way or another. (: i really love all of you! and it feels good when someone is there to listen.

i know im not the only one feeling this way. to all my fellow teammates, i love all of u! and all the trainings wouldnt be what they are and so enjoyable without all of u! every single one of u! thanks alot alot alot!

gerine-helping us with our la qiu! hahaha am really very grateful! and being the super sensible and i think the one who nv not turn up for any trainings... and probably the only one who hasnt been teased! rarr! (:
melissa-for collecting all the money! hahaha and bringing so much joy to us when we tease u =P and also for all the coaching given! and telling me how to play and correcting me whenever u realise im playing using the wrong method... (:
yeongchyn-for bringing so much laughter to trainings and always smiling. it makes all of us feel so much happier! and for being my doubles partner for awhile before we were separated, but brought together again during our last match! and the way we played! i love the game man! :D
shuli-u are great! haha for saying random stuff, making yc laugh her head off and always updating me with some juicy gossips! lols and saying such random but funny stuff. (:
valerie-my junior for as long as u are in table tennis right? haha too bad for u! lols. =P i know u must love me alot cux im cute right. lol u BI! hahaha (:
kwanling-haha sorry always suan u for being black. though u are actually not really. just fit! haha and suaning u with ah pek =X lols but its really quite fun with u ard! :D
ivy-twist! hahaha thats the funniest thing i rem about u! lols... ur randomness really quite funny! and i know i can find u to mug with me right! hahaha jiayou u can make it to the top in nj! :D
and lastly shenghua whose part of us for being our great coach :D

and i love every single one of u!

this is not the end, it marks the start of a new beginning :D
5:27 PM